Today it's time to share some great advice for girls to help combat cyber-bullying, a new plague that is running rampant throughout the country, resulting in serious injuries and even horrible deaths. Bullying does not have to happen!
Below is some advice from Bart King, the author of The Big Book of Girl Stuff.Advice for Girls!
Where do Mean Girls come from? Do they wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and decide, “I’m going to be mean”? Or does a fairy come by and sprinkle magical Mean Girl fairy dust on them? Nobody knows.
But this excerpt from The Big Book of Girl Stuff is dedicated to the question: “Bad girls, bad girls, whatcha gonna do?”
Mean Girls are not exactly bullies. Of course, there are some Mean Girls who might actually punch you. (They are called “Cave-Girls.”) But since girls are different from boys, girl bullies are often different from boy bullies. For example, Mean Girls can actually be nice when someone is watching. But because they’re so sneaky and sly, it can be hard for an outsider to spot Mean Girls being mean.
One Mean Girl technique is to get all her friends to hate her “enemy.” To get everyone on her side, the Mean Girl might try to “scapegoat” her victim. (A scapegoat is someone who gets blamed for everything that is wrong, whether it is her fault or not.) Everything the scapegoat does is WRONG. If she has long hair, it should be short. If she raises her hand in class, she is a show-off. If she is quiet, she is stuck-up. Scapegoats get harassed with name-calling, cold-shoulders, rumors, and teasing. It’s so stupid.
* No Kidding! Don’t you hate it when a mean girl says something mean, and then adds, “Just kidding.” Like that helps!
Mean Girl: Everyone who thinks that Samantha should change her hairstyle, raise your hand!
Samantha: Please stop it.
Mean Girl: Oh my gosh, I was just kidding. Can’t you take a joke, Samantha?
Samantha (with a sweet smile): Sure. Is that new lip-gloss you’re wearing or did you just eat another pork chop? Just kidding.
But why do some girls get picked on? It might just be because they are different and they dare to be themselves. It’s like the Mean Girls are the Perfection Police, and they decide what is OK and what isn’t. They will pick on girls who are too smart, or not smart enough, or too pretty, or not pretty enough, or overweight, or really funny or whatever. A girl who really is herself might annoy a Mean Girl who kissed her brain goodbye just to be “popular.”
Someday you may find yourself the victim of a group of Mean Girls. They might say nasty things about you or write anonymous notes that put you down. Sure, we’ve all been told that “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you.” Mean Girls have proven what a load of baloney that is! If someone says something mean, it can hurt for years.
BTW, when Queen Elizabeth I (1533-1603) found out who had published a nasty pamphlet about her, she had the authors’ right hands cut off.
For the moment, let’s say that a Mean Girl is treating you badly. You can just silently take her abuse, which isn’t very healthy or satisfying. So here’s some strategies for your action plan:
1. Tell an adult and get help. Sure, he or she would have to be pretty “with it” to know how to help. But still.
2. Avoid the Mean Girls when possible. (Duh!)
3. Be patient and wait for the Mean Girl to either move to another state or to stop being mean. (It’s fun to wish.)
4. Let your own sense of humor help you.
Having a sense of humor about life might not solve your problems, but it will make things better. If you can laugh at the Mean Girl (and yourself), somehow it relieves the tension and makes the world a better place. Your humor may be shown when you smile to yourself at how lame the Mean Girl is when she is nasty.
What about BOY bullies? Well, they tend to be insulting. Boy bullies are usually easier to spot than girl bullies, because they are not as bright. They may THINK they are smart, though.
Jerks can be just as cruel as mean girls. He usually wants to hurt your feelings or get you angry. Whatever a Jerk says to you, try to keep your cool. If you get upset, that’s exactly what he wanted. After all, consider the source: A boy who doesn’t know anything about you? Please. His opinion shouldn’t count for anything.
Special Note: There is a special kind of Jerk who might be mean to you because he has a crush on you. He’s just too immature to know how to deal with his feelings. (We know this sounds like a lame movie idea, but it’s true!)
So how should you deal with a Jerk? If a Jerk says something mean to you and you just blush and walk away, that encourages him. He has no reason to leave you alone because you’re an easy victim!
All of us fantasize about what we WISH we said to the mean person who insulted us. Maybe it would be better to just SAY it and not wish we had.
Of course, there are always adults that might be able to help. Aside from the usual parents, teachers, and counselors, if you can find a way to speak to a Jerk’s mother, your problems may be solved. The odds are that if she finds out her little Junior is being mean to girls, he’ll be in BIG trouble. If you need to talk to a teacher or your parents to get word to the Jerk’s mom, then talk to a teacher or your parents.
Follow-Up Activity: Want to get the last laugh? Move to Russia. Women there live an average of 13 years longer than men!
~Bart King
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